Dealing With Problems

I Timothy 5:1-2

A pastor I knew home schooled his kids in an attempt to prevent their being exposed to sinful things. He also controlled which kids they associated with and were never allowed to participate in activities he didn’t approve beforehand. Two of his daughters and one of his sons was involved in sexual sin before they left home, one son was involved in drugs and four of the kids left home before graduating from high school. The one son has spent considerable time in penal institutions. While at home, the kids had seemed models of good behavior, and the parents blamed other kids for corrupting their kids.

Another pastor, with just as high standards, allowed his children to go to public school, and encouraged them to associate with other kids, although he did not allow them to go to many social functions. He was very strict about obeying the rules he had established, All his children graduated from high school, and most from college.

The biggest factor in how the children turned out appears to be how discipline was handled. One set was not more strict, or did not have higher standards. The second pastor approached discipline with a different attitude. Discipline was never administered in anger. He did not believe anyone had the right to yell at and castigate anyone. Discipline was severe, immediate and final. It would not come up again unless the offense was repeated. The kids tried to avoid needing discipline.

The first pastor regularly exhibited anger in his administration of discipline, angrily recalling previous offenses and castigating the child. Punishment would be administered when they reached home, and frequently included grounding or other extended penalties. Each exercise of discipline resulted in anger on the part of the kids. His kids viewed discipline as an attack on themselves and rebelled.

Humans are inherently sinful, and no amount of isolation will prevent the natural instinct from being displayed. It is just as much a fact in the church as in any other setting. How minor offenses are handled will largely control whether more serious ones arise. Failure to react encourages continued misbehavior, but over reacting results in rebellion. Rebellion may be demonstrated by leaving the church or by deliberately offensive behavior. Neither is desirable, and we are going to give account for how we have handled the situation. Paul gives specific guidelines.

“Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.” (I Timothy 5:1-2”

Paul is adamant that church discipline be administered for ongoing and deliberate sin in I Corinthians 5. Before excluding people from the church, there is a time of public rebuke and in I Timothy 5:20 Paul instructs, “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” This is totally in accord with Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 18:15-17. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican.”

The goal is correction, not punishment. A condemnatory approach is likely to produce anger and resistance. We are unlikely to produce change with an attitude of superiority, so in Galatians 6;1 Paul instructs, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” To rebuke is to blame or scold. Paul says that we should entreat rather than rebuking. To entreat is to ask or implore.

A child who demands of his father is offensive. It is likely to produce the opposite action. Paul says we should approach older man as if they were our father. If we want to be considered, we must not appear bossy. Bossiness is just as offensive to a younger brother. Asking gets much more satisfactory results, and as Matthew 23:9 tells us, we are brethren and there is to be no superiority among us.

In the same way, we are to approach older women as if it were our mother, and younger ones as if they were a younger sister. There must be no hint of impropriety in how this is done.