Paul’s Demonstration Of Love

Philemon 1:1-9

Philemon is possibly the most detailed demonstration in the New Testament of applying Christian love. Other passages teach us about love, but here Paul shows us how to love each other. To understand love, we need to understand that the feelings are a consequence of, not the essence of love. Unfortunately, our society focuses on the feelings, leading to vast confusion.

We wonder how a mother can reject or even kill a child, when mother love seems so instinctive, yet we see it occur almost daily. Titus 2:4 describes part of the older woman’s responsibilities. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,” That love needs to be taught shows that it does not occur automatically. Mothers who abuse or kill their children have never been taught to love.

The majority of people who win or inherit large amounts of money lose it within a short time. They have no idea what it takes to earn such an amount, and just set out to enjoy it while they have it. Proverbs 23:5 warns “for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.” A person who has worked for his money has an appreciation of what it takes to get it, and tends to work harder at keeping it. People who think it comes as purely as a result of luck assume more will come and don’t take care of it. People have to choose what they want to do.

Love is much the same, in that we can choose whether to keep and increase it or to throw it away. When Jesus stated “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another,” in John 13:34, he emphasized our choice in love. We can choose to obey or to disobey.

One of the most effective ways of teaching is by example, and often people who have grown up without seeing the effort required to develop and maintain love. This is perhaps the biggest reason for our divorce rate, and the number of abuse cases in modern society.

Onesimus was a runaway slave. His flight cost his master, Philemon, a great deal of money. After his escape, Onesimus had met Paul and become a Christian. Desiring to please God, Onesimus decided to make things right with Philemon, who was also a Christian, and consulted Paul. Because Paul knew Philemon well, he elected to act as an intermediary between them.

Paul starts by a personal greeting. Love is a personal thing. It is not abstract or impersonal. You cannot love a group and hate the individuals. You have to love the individual people. To do so requires getting down to where they are, to understand their concerns, and their efforts. We see Paul doing so in his greeting to Philemon.

“Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellowlabourer, And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in thy house: Grace to you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (Philemon 1:1-3)

That Paul’s love for Philemon is real is obvious from the fact that he has followed his spiritual development. He is aware of his love for other Christians and his efforts to help them. He is aware that the church is holding services in Philemon’s home, and that he has done what he could to encourage and assist others. Genuine love is interested in the person loved, and Paul is clearly interested. It takes considerable effort to become this involved with people.

“I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers, Hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints; That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.” (Philemon 1:4-7)

Acting in love, Paul is careful not to demand obedience, although he could have done so. Rather than telling Philemon what to do, he requests his indulgence, based on his love. “Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,” according to I Corinthians 13:4. It sets it’s pride and desires aside for the sake of others. Love respects the feelings and opinions of others rather than demanding it’s own way. I Corinthians 13: 5 says love “seeketh not her own.” Notice Paul’s approach.

“Wherefore, though I might be much bold in Christ to enjoin thee that which is convenient, Yet for love's sake I rather beseech thee, being such an one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ.” (Philemon 1:8-9)

Love must be willing to risk the pain of refusal. It is often easier to avoid taking the risk, but the results are less satisfactory.