Craving Reconciliation

Joseph had forgiven his brothers long before, and still loved them, but remembering what they had done to him, he didn’t trust them.  When he saw them again, and especially his youngest, who had not been involved in selling him, he wanted to spend time with them, and invited them to his home, in Genesis43:15-17.  “And the men took that present, and they took double money in their hand, and Benjamin; and rose up, and went down to Egypt, and stood before Joseph.  And when Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to the ruler of his house, Bring these men home, and slay, and make ready; for these men shall dine with me at noon.  And the man did as Joseph bade; and the man brought the men into Joseph's house.” 

Because he didn’t trust them, Joseph didn’t dare tell hi brothers who he was.  They were on pins and needles, fearing it was just a ploy for making slaves of them, and made a special effort to make sure there was no question of them having stolen the money, as Genesis 43:18-25 tells us.  “And the men were afraid, because they were brought into Joseph's house; and they said, Because of the money that was returned in our sacks at the first time are we brought in; that he may seek occasion against us, and fall upon us, and take us for bondmen, and our asses.  And they came near to the steward of Joseph's house, and they communed with him at the door of the house, And said, O sir, we came indeed down at the first time to buy food: Ge 43:21 And it came to pass, when we came to the inn, that we opened our sacks, and, behold, every man's money was in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight: and we have brought it again in our hand.  And other money have we brought down in our hands to buy food: we cannot tell who put our money in our sacks.

And he said, Peace be to you, fear not: your God, and the God of your father, hath given you treasure in your sacks: I had your money. And he brought Simeon out unto them.  And the man brought the men into Joseph's house, and gave them water, and they washed their feet; and he gave their asses provender.  And they made ready the present against Joseph came at noon: for they heard that they should eat bread there.” 

Joseph’s servant welcomed them and did his best to reassure them that they were safe, and were not accused of having stolen the money.  When Joseph arrived they gave him the gifts.  He tried to put them at ease by asking about their father, while trying to keep his identity secret in Genesis 43:26-30.  “And when Joseph came home, they brought him the present which was in their hand into the house, and bowed themselves to him to the earth.  And he asked them of their welfare, and said, Is your father well, the old man of whom ye spake? Is he yet alive?

And they answered, Thy servant our father is in good health, he is yet alive. And they bowed down their heads, and made obeisance.

And he lifted up his eyes, and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother's son, and said, Is this your younger brother, of whom ye spake unto me? And he said, God be gracious unto thee, my son.  And Joseph made haste; for his bowels did yearn upon his brother: and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there.”  His emotions almost betrayed him when he spoke to Benjamin and he had to leave the room to get them under control.  Much as he wanted to talk freely with them, he was afraid of their reaction.

Getting his emotions under control, Joseph tried to go on as if he wasn’t affected, but found himself showing his love.  Thanks to the inherent racism in Egyptian culture and the things that were going on, nobody remarked about Joseph’s displays of affection, as Genesis 43:31-34 describes.  “And he washed his face, and went out, and refrained himself, and said, Set on bread.  And they set on for him by himself, and for them by themselves, and for the Egyptians, which did eat with him, by themselves: because the Egyptians might not eat bread with the Hebrews; for that is an abomination unto the Egyptians.  And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth: and the men marvelled one at another.  And he took and sent messes unto them from before him: but Benjamin's mess was five times so much as any of theirs. And they drank, and were merry with him.”  His brothers were amazed at how different the treatment they received was from the first time they came. 

This fear of how the other party may react is almost always present when one realizes there is a need for reconciliation, whether one is the injured party or the perpetrator.  Until one is able to move past that fear and take the risk of being rejected, there will not be full reconciliation, no matter how much one may desire it.