Don’t Make Him Mad

Ephesians 6:1-4

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1-4)

Probably every child who has attended Sunday school more than a few times has heard about the need to obey their parents till they are almost sick of it. Christian kids still disobey. It is generally accepted that children are naturally rebellious, and some groups, such as the Amish accept a period of total rebellion as just part of growing up. Many children either pretend to do as their parents expect, while hiding what they are really doing, or flagrantly rebel, even running away from home to do as they please.

It is true that all humans have inherited a rebellious nature, including our children. Proverbs 22:15 tells us “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child”. Ephesians 6:1-4 was written to help overcome these natural tendencies. Heeding what the verses are saying can greatly help our children in pleasing God.

While children are to obey their parents, there is a limit imposed by the phrase “in the Lord.” When the parent is demanding something that is unfitting for children of God, such as sexual favors, prostitution, murder, or other overt sins, the parent is exceeding his authority. The child may be forced to do what the parent is demanding, but it does not excuse the wrong.

Honor or respect for their parents is presented as a basis for a long and happy life. Children are born with a certain amount of respect for their parents. To retain and receive more respect, requires earning it. Paul instructed Timothy how to earn respect despite his youth, in I Timothy 4:12. “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Timothy would need to earn the respect by behaving himself properly.

It is very hard to respect people who behave in a manner which doesn’t deserve respect. Parents are responsible to behave themselves in a way that earns respect, as well as the children freely giving respect. It is not uncommon for parents to teach their children not to respect the other parent in our society. A father or mother who abuses, degrades, criticizes or is rude to their mate is teaching the children to disrespect the other parent. Their children will suffer for their teaching. Even if they are that bad, let them demonstrate it, don’t teach the children to be disrespectful.


During the Great Depression, a man was placing bets that no one could ride his horse. Everyone was quickly thrown. My grandfather said he could ride the horse with no saddle or bridle for fifty dollars. Several offered to put up the money if he could, and large bets were placed that he couldn’t. After just a few bucks, the horse stopped bucking. Someone asked why.

Grandad’s answer? “I didn’t make him mad. He didn‘t have any reason to buck.”

Inconsistent and unreasonable rules, unfair punishments, and selfish demands may well produce anger and rebellion in children and young adults. Paul tells us not to behave in such a manner as to make the children angry. Rebellion is nearly certain with angry people. Colossians3:21 instructs “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Don’t give a reason to rebel or to give up.

We need to be sure our demands are legitimate and fair because it is easy to take advantage of our position, Hebrews 12:9-10 points out that while we should obey our parents, sometimes the demands are selfish. “ Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.”

God never uses capricious and selfish demands, focusing always on what is good for us. He is to be our example. By following it, our children will experience the nurturing and admonishing of the Lord. Our efforts will be directed to correcting, rather than punishing. Though the child’s nature is sinful and foolish, as Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”