Reconciliation is Just A First Step

Reconciliation does not mean that all the problems have been eliminated.  It simply means that we are no longer letting those things keep us from getting along together.  Seventeen years after being reconciled with Joseph, his brothers were still struggling with a sense of guilt, and expected Joseph to try to get even, as Genesis 50:15-18 tells us.  “And when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him.  And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him.  And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants.”

Often those who know they have done wrong have a hard time accepting that those they have hurt forgave them.  They keep trying to earn forgiveness when it has already been given.  In an effort to prevent Joseph taking vengeance, his brothers claimed their father had said for Joseph to forgive them.  Joseph was heartbroken to learn that they still felt that he was angry at them, when he had done everything he could to show his love.  He explained again that he had no excuse for staying angry at them, in Genesis 50:19-21.  “And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God?  But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.  Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.”

While their intentions had been evil, God had caused it to turn into something good, and they should thank God for the results.  He had given up any thought of revenge even before they were reconciled.   If God would overlook their sin in order to save their lives,  Holding a grudge would imply Joseph’s feelings were more important than God’s plan.  Ephesians 4:31-32 commands, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”  If Christ could forgive us for what we have done to him and others, what right do we have to hold grudges about what others did to us?

Forgiving others only shows our appreciation for what Jesus has done for us.  Refusal to forgive implies we think God was sucker for forgiving us, as the parable in Matthew 18:21-35 shows us.  “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.  Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.  And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.  But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.  But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.  And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?  And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.  So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”  

If we don’t understand how much more serious our sin was than what others might do to us, we really don’t appreciate that it took Jesus giving up his life for us to be forgiven.  Compared to that, most things others have done to us is pretty minor.  Refusing to forgive is like the man having his fellow servant imprisoned over a dollar when he had been forgiven for almost twenty million dollars.  

The problem was the brother’s sense of guilt, not a lack of forgiveness by Joseph.  Had they approached Joseph earlier or just taken him at his word they could have saved themselves a lot of worry.  As trust was rebuilt on both sides the relationship grew stronger and more satisfactory.