Living With A Guilty Conscience

Twenty years before, Jacob had left Canaan to escape Esau’s wrath for having been cheated.  When things got bad between him and Laban, he decided to go back, assuming Esau will not be as angry as he was at first.  He knew that Esau had moved into Edom, the region south east of the Dead Sea, closer to his wives’ families, but not too far from Isaac.   Still carrying a guilty conscience, he made a point that he had his own livestock and property to reassure Esau they would not be in competition, in Genesis 32:3-5.  “And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother unto the land of Seir, the country of Edom.  And he commanded them, saying, Thus shall ye speak unto my lord Esau; Thy servant Jacob saith thus, I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed there until now: And I have oxen, and asses, flocks, and menservants, and womenservants: and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find grace in thy sight.” 

Jacob had hoped the reassurances would eliminate any lingering anger.  When the messengers returned, saying Esau was bringing a four hundred man army, Jacob panicked, as Genesis 32:6-tells us.  “And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.  Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed: and he divided the people that was with him, and the flocks, and herds, and the camels, into two bands; And said, If Esau come to the one company, and smite it, then the other company which is left shall escape.”

Jacob could not be sure whether Esau was bringing such an army to protect against raiders or if they were coming to wipe him out.  He could not possibly defeat such a force, and began figuring a way to protect some of his property ad family, dividing them into two separate groups, hoping that if Esau attacked one group the other would be able to escape unnoticed.  Fearing it wouldn’t be enough, he prayed, asking God’s protection, in Genesis 32:9-12.  “And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee: I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast showed unto thy servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.  Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.   And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.”  He acknowledged he did not deserve anything from God, but was just asking him to keep his promise. 

When he stopped for the night, Jacob had another idea.  He would try to buy off Esau’s anger with a series of bribes.  Genesis 32:13-21 gives the details.  “And he lodged there that same night; and took of that which came to his hand a present for Esau his brother; Two hundred she goats, and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes, and twenty rams,  Thirty milch camels with their colts, forty kine, and ten bulls, twenty she asses, and ten foals.  And he delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by themselves; and said unto his servants, Pass over before me, and put a space betwixt drove and drove.  And he commanded the foremost, saying, When Esau my brother meeteth thee, and asketh thee, saying, Whose art thou? and whither goest thou? and whose are these before thee?  Then thou shalt say, They be thy servant Jacob's; it is a present sent unto my lord Esau: and, behold, also he is behind us.  And so commanded he the second, and the third, and all that followed the droves, saying, On this manner shall ye speak unto Esau, when ye find him.  And say ye moreover, Behold, thy servant Jacob is behind us. For he said, I will appease him with the present that goeth before me, and afterward I will see his face; peradventure he will accept of me.  So went the present over before him: and himself lodged that night in the company.”

Though he had prayed for God’s help, Jacob was still depending on his own efforts to protect himself.  By sending the bribes in advance, he hoped to alleviate Esau’s anger if he was still mad.    His guilty conscience will not let him just trust God.  Why should God bless him when he had done evil things?