How To Demonstrate Our Love To Our Mate

Some religious teachers have told their students that their mates will have to understand that they are in the ministry or studying to please the Lord, and their mate will just have to accept that takes priority over their relationship.   They clearly do not understand that loving others is a vital part of our love for God.   Numerous groups have gone so far as to forbid people involved in ministry to marry so that they can freely serve God.  Paul addressed that issue in I Corinthians 7:1-2.  “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Those who are involved in ministry have the same feelings and emotional needs as other people, and most people have an innate desire for sexual and emotional relations with a husband or wife, although some are not particularly troubled by the lack, as Jesus pointed out in Matthew 19:12.  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”  Celibacy is a wonderful thing for those who do not feel the need for sexual and emotional intimacy, but for others, the cravings become a serious distraction and frequently lead to sexual sin.  It is far better that they go ahead and marry than to struggle with the desires, as I Corinthians 7:9 tells us.  “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” It is the refusal to allow them to marry that has led to most of the sexual abuses in the Catholic and various other groups. 

As we saw in the previous lesson, showing love to those we are closest to is vital for our Christian life.  In I Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul is quite specific that we are not to allow the ministry to hinder our showing love to our mate.  “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” 

The word translated benevolence is the Greek word agape, or godly love.  We have the same responsibilities to spend time with our mate and to indulge in the sexual relationship as any other married couple.  God created sex as a special way for a husband and wife to demonstrate their love to each other that is never to be shared with other people.  As Paul points out, failure to spend time with your mate or to withhold sexual relations is effectively cheating one’s mate of what is rightfully theirs.  It clearly implies that you do not love them and sets them up for temptation.   The only acceptable situation for not demonstrating love freely to your mate is when both sides agree to abstain for a short period for the purpose of praying and fasting, or drawing close to God, and once the time is over they are to resume their full relationship.

It is important to understand that your mate is just as much a part of your ministry as any other member of your church or other group, and your responsibilities to them must take priority over other people, as Paul explains in I Corinthians 7:32-36.  “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.  But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.”

While the unmarried person may have greater freedom to serve the Lord, the possibility of temptation resulting from celibacy may well offset the benefits, creating more problems.  If we are married, we must not allow anything to come between us and our mate if we are to please God.  God’s plan is for our first love to be toward God.  Secondly we are to love our mate.  Thirdly we are to love our children, and then we are to show our love to other Christians, and finally to those who are not Christians.  Far too often we have changed that order, focusing on the unsaved, our children or our job or ministry, often even ahead of God himself.     When we do, we are no longer pleasing God.