Maintaining a Godly Attitude

As we have seen, a proper heart attitude is vital for us to please God.  II Corinthians 5:17-18 tells us that when we become a Christian, God gives us a new spirit or attitude.  “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.  And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation.”  That new spirit or attitude is produced by the Holy Spirit in us, so that our focus is on the things of God. 

­For years we practiced our old attitude until it became a habit, and it is hard to break those old habits and attitudes.  If we do not work at establishing a new habit of attitude we will inevitably fall back into the same old way of thinking.  Philippians 4 lists several things we can do to help make a godly attitude habitual

The very first step in developing a godly attitude is learning to enjoy our lives.  Far too often we are so busy trying to get something we think is missing to enjoy what we have.  Philippians 4:4 commands, ”Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice”  Learn to enjoy what God has given you.  After years of constantly trying to find something more, in Ecclesiastes 3:22 Solomon realized, “…there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?”  .   Hebrews 13:5 directs, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee”.

Learn not to go to extremes in anything.  It doesn’t matter whether we go to extremes in politics, fashion, health, sports, or religion, those things begin to interfere with our relationship with the lord, causing frustration when we have to settle for something less.  Philippians 4:5 commands, “Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.”  None of those things, not even our extreme religious activities will count for much when Christ returns.  Ecclesiastes 7:16-17 advises, “Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?  Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time?”  Going to extremes will almost always destroy ones happiness and his relationships with others.

The third thing we can do is learn not to worry.  Philippians 4:6 commands, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”  Instead of worrying about things, just pray about them, taking time to thank God for all the things he has already done for you.  Thanking him for what he has done will relieve much of the stress, as well as giving you confidence he will take care of the things you have been worrying about.  As a result, Philippians 4:7 promises, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

The fourth thing we can do to maintain a godly attitude is to learn to focus on things that are good.  The world constantly calls our attention to the things that are bad, but we need to make a conscious effort to think about what is good.  Philippians 4:8-9 commands, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

When we have a godly attitude, it is natural to do the things that please God because we are open to the Holy spirit’s leadership rather than being controlled by our fears and frustrations.

What’s In The Heart?

As we have seen throughout this study, the thing that makes the biggest difference in our pleasing god or not pleasing him is our attitude because it affects everything we do.  One of the most obvious things affected by our attitude is what we say.  In Matthew 12:34-37, Jesus said, “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.  A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.  But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.  For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.” 

Literally, he said that the things we say in unguarded moments show our basic heart attitude.  We will not be judged on the eloquence of our carefully planned prayers or speeches, but on our reactions to surprises and things that do not go as planned.  In those situations we do not have time to organize our words to leave a certain impression, and the truth comes out.   Unfortunately, our words can have serious effects on those who hear us.  James 3:1-2 warns about the dangerous effects of our words.  “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”  A few thoughtless words can destroy a person’s reputation, his self-esteem, or any interest he might have in being a Christian, and the more authority we have, the greater impact our words have.    A person who has control of their tongue will be able to control all the other aspects of their life. 

James goes on to explain How impossible it is for a person to truly control their tongue, in James 3:3-12.  “Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.  Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!  And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.  For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.  Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.  Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.  Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?  Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.”

As Jesus said, those unplanned words show what is really in the heart.  A person might dip out clear pure looking water by being very careful, but the water will still be contaminated, and in the same way, if what comes out of person’s mouth is polluted, it implies even the good things are polluted as well.   If a person really knows the Lord it should affect his entire life, including what he says, as James 3:13 tells us.  “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”

James 3:14-16 points out that an improper attitude does not come from god, but from the world and Satan.  “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.  This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.  For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” A carnal or satanic spirit or attitude can only lead to confusion or sin.  Selfishness and conflict indicate a carnal spirit or attitude.

A Godly spirit or attitude is completely different, as James 3:17-18 tells us.  “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”  A godly spirit is pure, with no need to be careful when one speaks.  It isn’t looking to stir up a fight, but is willing to overlook things and focus on what is good.  It doesn’t have to constantly hide its anger or frustration.  As a result it can freely do good things without having to force itself or pretend to like what it is doing.    

Law Versus Grace

One of the problems throughout history has been that people try to live a godly life through their own strength and will power.  They have developed various moral codes and religious rituals that, if practiced religiously, are supposed to make one pleasing to God.  As a result many are trying to earn their own salvation through these various sets of rules.  God himself established the Old Testament law, yet Romans 3:20 tells us, “…by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight…”  If keeping God’s own law will not save a person, how will keeping any other set of laws do so?  Galatians 3:21 tells us that if it were possible for a set of laws to give life then that would have been enough and there would have been no need for Christ to come.  “Is the law then against the promises of God? God forbid: for if there had been a law given which could have given life, verily righteousness should have been by the law.”

Because the obedience to the law could not save, God sent Jesus Christ to give us salvation, as Galatians 3:22-26 explains.  “But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.  But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.  Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.  But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.  For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.”  Romans 3:20 tells us, “… for by the law is the knowledge of sin.”  The law just shows us that we are sinners and need a savior.  Romans 10:4 tells us, “For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.”

Christ has set us free from having to follow the Old Testament law or any other such standard, by fulfilling the law for us.  If we deliberately go back and do the things that made the sacrifice necessary again, we make a mockery of his sacrifice, as Galatians 2:16-19 tells us.  “Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.  But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.  For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor.  For I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God.”

God has given us a whole new life.  To go back and live by the same old earthly standards discredits and devalues what Christ has done for us, as Galatians 2;20-21 tells us.  “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.  I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.”  That effort to please him by such means hinders us from receiving the gifts and blessings he wants to give us. 

Unfortunately, many have been misled to believe that they have to keep some such set of rules, whether from the Old Testament or those set by some religious leader.  Galatians 3:1-7 points out the fallacy.  “O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?  This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?  Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?  Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.  He therefore that ministereth to you the Spirit, and worketh miracles among you, doeth he it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?  Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.  Know ye therefore that they which are of faith, the same are the children of Abraham.”

If keeping a set of rules could not save us, how can it possibly make us pleasing to God?  Abraham was not blessed for keeping the laws, but for believing in God.  Because he believed, Abraham obeyed God, but the blessings were the result of his faith, not his obedience.  The same is true for Christians today, as Galatians 3:8-14 tells us.  “And the scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the heathen through faith, preached before the gospel unto Abraham, saying, In thee shall all nations be blessed.  So then they which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham.  For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.  But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is evident: for, The just shall live by faith.  And the law is not of faith: but, The man that doeth them shall live in them.

 Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.”

I Timothy 1:9-10 tells us, “…the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine.”  Its whole purpose was to make us aware of what is wrong, not to show us how to do right.  When we are trying to do what is right we will be more concerned whit what God wants than with what we can get by with.   Godly people have a different attitude.

Focus On What God Has Actually Said

In John 14:21, Jesus said, “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.”  If we truly love the Lord, we will take the time to find out what he wants and then do it, and when we are obedient to him, he can demonstrate his love for us freely. 

Understanding this, in II Timothy 2:15, Paul instructed Timothy, “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”  Jesus commanded, “Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me,” in John 5:39.  If we wish to please God, we need to spend the time studying the scriptures, because they tell us who the Lord is and what he wants.  If we take the time to study the scriptures diligently, we will know exactly what God expects from us, 

In II Timothy 3:16-17, Paul tells us, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”  When we study and follow the scriptures carefully, they will impart all the information we need in order to please God completely.  However, this requires in depth study, not just a superficial reading of the scriptures.

 Because it is so easy for us to misinterpret a passage, II Peter 1:20-21 warns, “Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.”  God used numerous different writers to give his word to us, but he directed their thoughts.  When we study the scriptures, if we find contradictions or paradoxes, between different passages, it indicates we have not yet obtained an accurate understanding of what God was saying.  No doctrine can be based on a single verse or passage. 

In our studying, we need to be careful not to get caught up in what others tell us about God, or we may well find ourselves doing what God has forbidden, as II Timothy 2:16-18 warns.  “But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.  And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus; Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.”   Distortions of the truth lead to disobedience and false teachings. 

Fortunately, God’s salvation is sure, with God knowing who is truly his.  Every one who is a truly a Christian should put known sin out of their lives.  Unfortunately, not everyone is equally devoted to God, as II Timothy 2:19-20 points out.  “Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.  But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.   

If we want God’s blessings, we need to make the effort to put away the hings God has forbidden and avoid temptation, focusing on the new nature the Holy Spirit produces, as II Timothy 2:22-26 describes.  “If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.  Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.  But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.  And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.”

If we are to please God, we need to avoid getting caught up in the various religious controversies, but to stay focused on what God has said.  By doing so, there is the possibility we may draw others to the truth, but if we get caught up in the controversies we will only turn them further from the truth.  II Thessalonians 3:14-15 commands, “And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.  Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”  We are not to go along with their false teachings or sin, but neither are we to drive them farther away.  We are to leave open the possibility of reconciliation. 

Demonstrating Salvation By Obedience

As Christians, we are to love each other.  As we have seen, certain actions may be considered loving, but without the proper underlying attitude, they mean nothing.  When we have a proper attitude of love, there will not be a sense of competition between us, but a sense of respect and concern for each other’s wellbeing, as Philippians 2:2-4 tells us.  “Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  I Corinthians 3:3 makes it clear when there is conflict between us, we are not walking in the Spirit.  “For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?”  Conflict and competition is proof of a carnal, unspiritual state.    

We need to develop the same attitude as Jesus had, as Philippians 2:5-11 tells us.  “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Jesus, God’s own son, was God from the very beginning, yet he voluntarily became an ordinary human being, living as a poor working man, even allowing himself to be executed on the cross in obedience to God the Father’s wishes because he loved mankind.  Because of his obedience, he has been given authority over all God’s creation, and is to receive the respect and honor of every person who has ever lived.  He is not only our savior, but also our example as to how we are to live. 

If we have truly believed in Christ and received the Holy Spirit, we ought to demonstrate it in our daily lives whether there are other Christians around or not, as Philippians 2:12-16 tells us.  “Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.  For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.  Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.”

It is the Holy Spirit in us which gives us the desire and enables us to do what God wants.  As a result, there shouldn’t be any grumbling of fighting on the part of Christians, even though they are surrounded by wicked people.  Their attitude makes them stand out like lights in a dark place, offering hope to the world, reassuring their teachers, like Paul that their efforts have not been wasted.   

Our Attitude Toward Our Job

Most people’s most important relationship outside their family is their relationship to the people they work with.  For a Christian this is another very important relationship as well.  Since most are employees of someone else we will start with the employee’s attitude toward his employer.  Many times we feel that our employment interferes with our freedom to serve the Lord, and want to be self employed .  I Corinthians 7:20-24 addresses this concern.  “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.  Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.  For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant.  Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.  Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.”

Basically, what Paul says is that whether you are working for yourself or for someone else is irrelevant to your Christian life.  If you have the financial capability and desire to be self employed then do so, but if not, do not fret about it.  You can serve God either way.  In Ephesians 6:5-8, Paul instructed, “Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;  Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.”

We ought to do our very best at our job, recognizing that we are in fact serving the Lord in the job we are in, and that he will reward us for being obedient.  Colossians 3:22-25 tells us the same thing.  “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.”

Whether our employers are Christians or not, we are to show them proper respect, as I Timothy 6:1-2 tells us.  “Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.  And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort.”  We are to teach and encourage other Christians to have a proper attitude toward their employers as well, not taking advantage of their trust.    Titus 2:9-10 commands, “Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things; not answering again;  Not purloining, but showing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.”

Our attitude toward our job can draw people to Christ or drive them away.  Not all employers are good, but we should not let that determine how we treat them.  I Peter 2:18-19 tells us, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.  For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.”

While it may seem desirable to be the boss or own your own business, it is important to understand that one’s responsibilities increase accordingly, and that the authority makes it easier to hurt people.  James 3:1-2 tells us, “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.  For in many things we offend all…”  Things that would be ignored if said by a fellow employee can be very offensive coming from one’s boss. 

As an employer, we owe them the same respect and loyalty we expect them to give us, as Ephesians 6:9 tells us.  “And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.”  While we may own the company they work for, we are responsible before the same God as everyone else, and will one day have to give an accounting for the way we have treated them.  Colossians 4:1 commands, “Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.”

Relationships With Our Children

After the relationship between husband and wife, the relationship between parents and children is the most important, and the Bible tells us quite a bit about how that relationship should be. Exodus 20:12 commands, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” Deuteronomy 5:16 repeated that command.  “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” Being disrespectful to ones parents is very displeasing to God.  Deuteronomy 27:16 warns, “Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother…”  Billy Graham stated that “A child who does not respect his parents will never respect anyone.” 

Disrespect for one’s parents was so serious that under the Old Testament law, a child who lashed out against his parents was to be executed, whether it was a physical or a verbal attack.  Exodus 21:15 commanded, “And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death,” while Exodus 21:17 commanded, “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”  One of the ways of showing respect is to obey one’s parents.   If a child consistently refuses to obey it indicates a serious lack of respect, and Deuteronomy 21:18-21 dealt with such a situation.  “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.  And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”  Clearly, God took respect for one’s parents pretty seriously. 

Unfortunately, even many religious people do not consider this a serious matter.  Jesus rebuked the Jewish Pharisees for not taking it seriously in Matthew 15:4-6.  “For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.  But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.”  In effect, they were saying that God’s commands were less important than their customs and philosophies.  We see the same attitudes today.

God’s standards have not changed.  Ephesians 6:1-3 commands, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.  Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”  Colossians 3:20 commands, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord”

When children are born, they do not know everything they need to do, and it is the parent’s responsibility to teach them.  One of the things they must learn is that there are consequences for doing wrong, and Proverbs makes some important points about this.  Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.   Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”  By teaching the child to do what is right, and punishing him when he does wrong, parents can prevent him from much worse punishment in the future, whether it be a life in prison, or eternal damnation.  Proverbs 13:24 warns, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”  If we deal with the problems when they first start and the children are young, it doesn’t take much to get them to do what is right, but if we wait, it becomes harder to correct their behavior.  Proverbs 19:18 advises, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”  If you wait until they are older, they often just learn to hide what they are doing. 

As parents, we need to be even more careful about the standards we set for our children than we do about those we set for other people, because they have to deal with them every day.  If we set  arbitrary, inconsistent, or unrealistic standards and demand they meet them, or do not live by the same standards ourselves, the children may well be frustrated or become convinced they cannot do what they are supposed to .  Ephesians 6:4 commands, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  We need to make sure the standards we set actually come from God.  Why should they have to live by a standard we do not live by ourselves?   Ephesians 3:21 commands, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

Next to our mate, our children are closest to us, and thus are correspondingly a vital part of our ministry.  Paul especially emphasized this in his standards for pastors, in I Timothy 3:4-5.  “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)”  If a person cannot minister to their own family, it is sure they will not be able to effectively teach others, because the principles are the same.

God’s Standards, Not Ours

When we begin to set our own standards and require others to live up to them, we are effectively setting ourselves up as gods with the authority to make up our own laws and moral standards.  As different teachers and groups set different standards, people become confused about what is actually right, and may end up violating their own beliefs and standards to satisfy those teachers.  Unfortunately, none of us are perfect or have a perfect standard, and as a result, the standards we set are not perfect either. 

Romans 14:13-18 warns against setting our own standards.  “Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.  I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean. But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.  Let not then your good be evil spoken of: For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.  For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.”

There is proper time and place for everything, as Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us.  “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” The problem is not the action itself, but the time and motivation. 

Understanding that, we need to avoid causing confusion and putting people in a position where they end up violating their own standards and convictions.  If our convictions are causeing conflicts in people minds, we are not loving them properly, we are not walking in the Spirit ourselves.  Serving the Lord is not about mechanical and physical actions, such as eating certain foods or following certain rules, but about ones spiritual attitude and motivation.  We need to change our focus from demanding certain physical behaviors and focus on teaching in such a way as to strengthen and encourage other Christians. We must make sure our standards do not cause others to be turned away.  When we cause others to turn away, we are sinning, as Romans 14:19-21 tells us.  “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.  For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.  It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

We have considerable freedom as to the standards and practices we adopt, but we do not have the right to impose our own personal standards on others.  If we are to lead the church and set a godly example, we need to be careful about what we are teaching, considering that some people are not as mature as others, as Romans 14:22-15:3 reminds us.  “Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.  And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.  We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification.  For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me.”

 Truly mature Christians ought to be to be strong enough to understand and adapt to the weaknesses of others.  If we cannot, we should not take positions of leadership.  In Luke 17:1-2, Jesus told the disciples, “…It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!  It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”  We need to make sure the standards we demand are God’s, and not ours. 

We Are Not To Impose Our Personal Convictions Or Standards On Others

As Christians, we are to love others, and especially those who are also Christians.  When we love someone, we respect their opinions, even when we disagree.  We don’t try to force them to accept our opinions, or  think they are stupid for having a different opinion.  I Corinthians 13:4-5 tells us, “…charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up… seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;”  Unfortunately many Christians get the idea that they are the only ones who truly know what God wants and demand others believe and do exactly as they do,   It was a problem for the church at Corinth, as Paul points out in I Corinthians 14:36-38,  “What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only?  If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.  But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.”

Paul is quite clear that if a person is truly spiritual he will acknowledge what he has written are in fact God’s commands, and anyone who does not recognize them as such, who isn’t sure doesn’t really understand God or his word.  II Timothy 3:16-17 tells us, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”  If we have the scriptures, we have all the information we need to please God completely.  We don’t need some new book or special revelation to teach us what Christians are supposed to do. 

It is with this in mind that Paul wrote, “Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations,” in Romans 14:1.  Convinced they have some special anointing from God people often began to impose their own convictions, opinions and feelings on others even though there is some question whether that is truly what God meant or said. 

In Paul’s day there were some who believed it was okay to eat whatever was set before you while there were also vegetarians and vegans who would not eat animals, either because they considered it wrong to kill animals, or because they did not trust God to take care of their health, just as there are today.  We are not to judge their Christianity by such practices, as Romans 14:2-4 tells us.   For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs.  Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him.  Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.”

 If we begin to demand that people live by such standards, we have departed from the true faith, just like other false teachers, as Paul told Timothy in I Timothy  4:1-3.  “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;  Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.”

In Paul’s day there were also some who believed the Christians should not celebrate certain holidays such as Christmas or Easter or Independence Day, just as there are today.    Paul addresses this issue in Romans 14:5-9.  “One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.  He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks.  For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.  For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.  For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.”As Paul points out, it is not the celebrating or not celebrating the holiday or whether we eat or don’t eat meat that matters, but our attitude in what we are doing.   

Since we are not God, and cannot fully understand a person’s attitudes and motivations, we need to leave the judging to God, as Romans 14:10-12 tells us.  “But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.  For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.  So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”   We need to remember none of are perfect, and we will all have to stand before God.   We will be judged according to what we have done, not for what others have done or not done.  Instead of worrying about what others are doing, we need to make sure we are doing what God wants. 

Loving Other Christians

The last several posts have focused on our love for our mates, but our love must not end there.  In John 13:34-35, Jesus said “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”  Love demonstrates our faith and love for God.   I John 4:7-8 tells us, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.  He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”  If we don’t love others, we clearly have no meaningful relationship with God, and our claims to being Christians are false. 

Jesus said all the Old Testament Law could be summed up in loving God and loving those around us.  If we love people, we are not going to kill them or steal from them for example.  While the Christian is no longer under the Law, the same principles still apply.  Ephesians 5:1-5 commands, “ Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.  But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.  For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”   People who indulge in these sins demonstrate little concern for others and are not Christians, despite their religious practices. 

While we may have practiced those kinds of things, when we accepted Christ, we were changed and given a new attitude or spirit, and those things no longer define us, as I Corinthians 6:9-11 tells us.  “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.”  As a result, we are able to do what is right even though we are no longer under the Lay, as Romans 7:6 says.  “But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter.”

Although we have a new attitude and are no longer under the Law, we still have the same instincts and habits.  As a result, even though we are Christians, we often struggle with doing what is right, as Paul explains in Romans 7:14-23.  “For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.  For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”

From time to time, even the most dedicated Christians are going to mess up and do things that are wrong.  When it happens, we are not to condemn them or  ignore their sin, but we are to try to help them get back on track, as Galatians 6:1-3 tells us.  “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.  For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. “

It is critical that we realize we are just as susceptible to temptation as other people, and not feel superior to them because we have not done the same things. When we let pride overtakes us, we are fooling ourselves, and become much more likely to fall into sin ourselves. 

Divorce And The Christian

Unfortunately, many people do not love their mate enough to forgive them and work things out.  If they don’t get their way, they walk away from the marriage, demonstrating their lack of love, because as I Corinthians 13:5 tells us, 1co 13:5, love “… seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked…” 

Romans 7:2-3 tells us that God’s plan was for marriage to be for life.  “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”  As long as the mate lives, if they marry someone else, they are committing adultery, even if they get a divorce. 

Jesus said the same thing when the Pharisees questioned him about divorce in Matthew 19:3-8.  “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”

Under the Old Testament Law, adultery called for a mandatory death penalty.  Recognizing mankind’s sinful state, the law allowed those who were divorced to marry, without facing the death penalty, although it was still considered adultery and divorce was not approved in much the same way a police officer might overlook a person going only a mile or two over the speed limit although they are still breaking the law.   Mark 10:2-12 records the same teaching.  

Malachi 2:13-16 tells us that God hates divorce, and one of the reasons he was not blessing Israel was because they had accepted it as unimportant.  “And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.  Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”

Sometimes as a result of abuse, criminal activity, or sexual infidelity, a Christian may be forced to separate from their mate.  Other times their mate walks out on them.  Paul deals with such situations in I Corinthians 7:10-11.  “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”  The only case in which remarriage is allowed seems to be in the case where one’s spouse hwa been caught up in sexual infidelity as we see in Matthew 5:31-32..  “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”

We are not to leave our mate simply because they are not a Christian, or because we want to go into a greater ministry, as we see in I Corinthians 7:12-20.  “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.  Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised.  Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God.  Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.”  Going into the ministry does not erase our responsibilities to our mate. 

Forgiving Our Mate

It is easy to maintain an appearance of love toward those who we only meet occasionally for brief periods.  It is far harder to fool those who are close to us and we are around every day, because they see us in both good times and bad.   Real love does not take it’s frustrations out on those around them, as I Corinthians 13:4 tells us.  “Charity suffereth long, and is kind…”  Despite the hurts the person feels, he continues to be kind to those who are close to him.  This becomes much harder when the hurts are the result of what those close to us have done. 

It is easy to become resentful toward those who are close to us when the hurt us.  In Colossians 3:19, Paul tells us. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”  If we truly love them, we will be willing to forgive them and overlook the hurts, as I Peter 4:8 tells us.  “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

James 3:13-17 warns that an unforgiving attitude is ungodly, and makes things worse.  “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.  This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.  For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.  But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”

Solomon warned that our anger tends to cause us to do or say things that anger others, in Proverbs 29:22.  “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.”  The more angry we become, the more irrational and cruel we become.  Living with someone who is constantly angry becomes almost unbearable, as Solomon warned his son in Proverbs 21:19.  “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”  As he says, it is better to be homeless than to live in a big fancy home and be constantly fighting.  Proverbs 25:24 emphasizes this.   “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”

The longer we stay angry about something, the more bitter we become, and the more likely we are to do something wrong to those around us.  This is why Ephesians 4:26-27 commands, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.”  In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus warned, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

When a person deliberately drives after drinking alcohol, he has deliberately chosen to take the chance of causing a wreck or killing someone.   If it happens, he is responsible and has to pay for his actions even though he did not intend to have the accident.  In the same way, when we hold onto our anger and refuse to forgive, we are responsible for the sins that results from our anger. 

To avoid finding ourselves in that position, Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”  Remember that you are not perfect and God has forgiven you for far worse things than they ever did to you.  You also need consider how many times they have forgiven you for things you did?  If you love them you will forgive them. 

How To Demonstrate Our Love To Our Mate

Some religious teachers have told their students that their mates will have to understand that they are in the ministry or studying to please the Lord, and their mate will just have to accept that takes priority over their relationship.   They clearly do not understand that loving others is a vital part of our love for God.   Numerous groups have gone so far as to forbid people involved in ministry to marry so that they can freely serve God.  Paul addressed that issue in I Corinthians 7:1-2.  “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Those who are involved in ministry have the same feelings and emotional needs as other people, and most people have an innate desire for sexual and emotional relations with a husband or wife, although some are not particularly troubled by the lack, as Jesus pointed out in Matthew 19:12.  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”  Celibacy is a wonderful thing for those who do not feel the need for sexual and emotional intimacy, but for others, the cravings become a serious distraction and frequently lead to sexual sin.  It is far better that they go ahead and marry than to struggle with the desires, as I Corinthians 7:9 tells us.  “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” It is the refusal to allow them to marry that has led to most of the sexual abuses in the Catholic and various other groups. 

As we saw in the previous lesson, showing love to those we are closest to is vital for our Christian life.  In I Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul is quite specific that we are not to allow the ministry to hinder our showing love to our mate.  “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” 

The word translated benevolence is the Greek word agape, or godly love.  We have the same responsibilities to spend time with our mate and to indulge in the sexual relationship as any other married couple.  God created sex as a special way for a husband and wife to demonstrate their love to each other that is never to be shared with other people.  As Paul points out, failure to spend time with your mate or to withhold sexual relations is effectively cheating one’s mate of what is rightfully theirs.  It clearly implies that you do not love them and sets them up for temptation.   The only acceptable situation for not demonstrating love freely to your mate is when both sides agree to abstain for a short period for the purpose of praying and fasting, or drawing close to God, and once the time is over they are to resume their full relationship.

It is important to understand that your mate is just as much a part of your ministry as any other member of your church or other group, and your responsibilities to them must take priority over other people, as Paul explains in I Corinthians 7:32-36.  “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.  But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.”

While the unmarried person may have greater freedom to serve the Lord, the possibility of temptation resulting from celibacy may well offset the benefits, creating more problems.  If we are married, we must not allow anything to come between us and our mate if we are to please God.  God’s plan is for our first love to be toward God.  Secondly we are to love our mate.  Thirdly we are to love our children, and then we are to show our love to other Christians, and finally to those who are not Christians.  Far too often we have changed that order, focusing on the unsaved, our children or our job or ministry, often even ahead of God himself.     When we do, we are no longer pleasing God.

Showing Love To Our Mate

In Mark 12:29-30 Jesus said the most important command was to love God and the second was to love our neighbor just like we love ourselves.  In John 14:23-24 he tells us that we demonstrate our love for him by keeping his commands, and in John 13:35, he tells us, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”   Clearly, loving one another is critical to our ability to please God, and to testimony before the world. 

Galatians 6:10 instructs, “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”  Our best and most frequent opportunities to show love come with those we are closest to, our own family and friends.   Because they are close to us they are also the most affected by our love or lack of love, making our treatment of them of vital importance.  The relationship between Husband and wife should be the closest human relationship, even taking precedence over that of parent and child, as Genesis 2:24 tells us.  “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

With this understanding in mind, In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul commands, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

The very concept of marriage is that of being set apart or sanctified for one’s mate, with no ties or connections to others or the past to interfere with the relationship.  Just as Christ gave himself for the church, both husband and wife must be willing to give themselves to each other.  Peter speaks about the same thing, in I Peter 3:1-7.  “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Peter makes it very clear that one’s attitude of love toward their mate can be the testimony that draws them to Christ.  Paul Says that the wife is to show reverence, an extreme respect for her huspand, while peter says t5hat the husband is to honor or respect his wife.    As we see in I Corinthians 13:4-7, a disrespectful attitude is inimical to love, setting one’s own desires and opinions above those of their mate.  If we cannot demonstrate love to those who are closest to us, how can we demonstrate real love to God or those who are not as close?  I John 4:20 says, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”