Following Dad’s Example

II Samuel 13:1-22

“And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.  And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.” (II Samuel 13:1-2)

Amnon was the oldest of David’s sons.  His mother was Ahinoam the Jezreelitess   Absalom was the third son, and his mother was Maacha.  Tamar was Absalom’s full sister and Amnon’s half sister.  Amnon developed a crush on Tamar and wanted her, but since she was his half sister, the law forbid him from getting involved with her.

“But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtle man.  And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? 

And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister. 

And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.” (II Samuel 13:3-5)

One of Amnon’s cousins, Jonadab noticed he kept moping around and asked him what was wrong.  When Amnon explained his feelings for Tamar, Jonadab suggested that he could pretend to be sick and ask David to have her come to his house and fix him a meal, getting her alone so nobody could interfere.  As is stated, Jonaqdab was a subtle, or tricky man.

“So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. 

Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat. 

So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes.  And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat.  And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him. “ (II Samuel 13:6-9)

Amnon followed Jonadab’s instructions, and David obliged by having Tamar come down and fix him a meal in his house, not suspecting anything.  When she finished, Amnon refused to eat, playing up the being sick.  He made everyone else leave so he could get her alone with him.

“And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. 

And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.  And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.” (II Samuel 13:10-11)

He then asked her to bring the food into his bedroom and feed him because he was so sick.  When she did, he grabbed hold of her, insisting she have sex with him.

“And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.  And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 

Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.” (II Samuel 13:12-14) 

In Leviticus 20:17, the law stated, “And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.”  Tamar reminded Amnon that committing incest would be violating the law and would cause both of them to lose their citizenship, making Amnon unable to become king or hold property and her unable to marry or have a home of her own.  If he would speak to David, as David’s eldest son, she had no doubt that David would allow them to marry.

Amnon had no interest in marrying her, he just wanted to have sex with her, so when she refused, he raped her, with no concern for the consequences to himself or for her.

“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” (II Samuel 13:15)

The ‘love’ Amnon had for Tamar was purely selfish sexual desire, not a genuine concern for her.  Once he had gotten what he wanted he had no further interest in her, and wanted her gone.  His love was nothing more than the obsession some serial murderers and rapists feel for their victims.

"And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me.  But he would not hearken unto her." (II Samuel 13:16)

According to I Corinthians 6: 16, the sex act created the emotional bonding that marriage is based on which would interfere with any future relationship  By forcibly raping Tamar, Amnon has emotionally scarred her in other ways as well.  It was a wicked thing he done, even if she had not been his half sister.  Having done it and left her emotionally scarred for life, he chose to abandon her in violation of Exodus 22:16.   “And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.”  As Tamar pointed out, Abandoning her after having sex with her was even worse than the original rape, because it left her with no way of limiting the damage she incurred.  He was compounding the sin.

“Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her. 

And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.

And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying.” (II Samuel 13:17-19) 

Tamar wore a robe that signified she was a virgin daughter and member of David’s household.   Nothing she could do could restore her virginity or take away the emotional damage of being raped.  To then be thrown out like a piece of trash was even more devastating.  Broken-hearted, she smeared ashes on her head and ripped the robe symbolizing her virginity.

“And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. 

But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth. 

And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. (II Samuel 13:20-22) 

Absalom guessed what had happened and was saddened by Tamar’s hurt, but told her not to take it too seriously, offering to let her stay at his house where she’d be protected from it happening again or any gossip. While he told her to forget about it, he didn’t, however, never speaking to his brother again.

David was very angry about what his eldest son had done, but his guilt over having taken Bathsheba and having Uriah killed would make anything he said pretty hypocritical, so he took no action.  He himself had set the example.