Developing a Family Culture

Every person is responsible for their own actions, as we see in Romans 14:12.  “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”  God has given us the ability to make decisions for ourselves, so we cannot blame our parents or others for what we do.  At the same time, we must realize that one’s attitudes and way of thinking are strongly influenced the examples and teachings of those around him.  As a result, certain attitudes and behaviors tend to become part of the culture of a family or other group.   Jacob’s children developed much the same attitude that their parents had, as we’ve seen already.   It carries on over to the next generation as well.    

Genesis 38:6-10 tells about some of Jacob’s grandsons.  “And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.  And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.  And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.  And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.  And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.”

We have no idea what Er had done, but his attitude was so evil God killed him.  God had established a principle that it was the husband’s responsibility to provide for his wife.  Since people can die unexpectedly at any age, provision was made to for a wife’s support if something happened to her husband.  One of those provisions was the dowry given to her family for safe keeping.  Another way was for the husband’s family to take responsibility for supporting her, as prescribed in Deuteronomy 25:5-6.  “If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.  And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.”  In such a case the first son would inherit the dead husband’s property and be considered his son. 

Onan had no problem accepting Tamar as his wife and having sex with her, but he didn’t want to have a son by her since it would be considered his brothers.  To prevent it, he practiced one of the original method of birth control, withdrawing before ejaculation.  As a result of his refusal to obey, God killed Onan as well.  Judah asked Tamar to stay with her parents until his youngest son, Shelah was old enough to marry, fearing he might die like his brothers had, in Genesis 38:11.  “Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.”

When Shelah grew up. Judah did not keep his promise to Tamar.  Learning that Judah’s wife had died, Tamar took action to get Judah to take the family’s responsibility for her, in Genesis 38:12-14.  “And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.  And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.  And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a veil, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.”

Tamar disguised herself as a prostitute, deliberately covering her face so she wouldn’t be recognized and sat where Judah was sure to see her.  Since his wife was dead, he had no hesitation about propositioning her for sex, despite the many prohibitions, as we see in Genesis 38:15-23.  “When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.  And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.)

And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?

And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock.

And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?

And he said, What pledge shall I give thee?

 And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.  And she arose, and went away, and laid by her veil from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.

And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not.  Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side?

And they said, There was no harlot in this place.

And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.

And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.”

About three months later, Judah learned Tamar was pregnant, in Genesis 38:24-25.  “And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.  When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.

Technically, Tamar was engaged to be married to Shelah, but Judah had not followed through on the agreement.  Under the Law, if an engaged woman indulged in sex with someone other than her intended, both the man and the woman were to be executed, according to Deuteronomy 22:23-24.  “If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.” 

Because she had the proof of who the father was, Judah was forced to admit he was guilty as well, and acknowledge it was his fault she had taken such action, in Genesis 38:26.  “And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.”   Neither Judah nor his sons took God’s commands seriously, partly because that is the example that they had set before them.  .