Seeking Reconciliation

The drought in the region caused widespread food shortages.  Hearing there was food for sale in Egypt, Jacob sent his sons to buy some.  The thought of meeting Joseph never crossed their minds, as we see in Genesis 42:5-8.  “And the sons of Israel came to buy corn among those that came: for the famine was in the land of Canaan.  And Joseph was the governor over the land, and he it was that sold to all the people of the land: and Joseph's brethren came, and bowed down themselves before him with their faces to the earth.  And Joseph saw his brethren, and he knew them, but made himself strange unto them, and spake roughly unto them; and he said unto them, Whence come ye?

 And they said, From the land of Canaan to buy food.”

Twenty one years before, Joseph’s brothers had hated him so much they plotted to murder him, but finally settled on selling him as a slave since it would pay better.  He had no reason to trust them, even though he no longer hated them.  He would not let them know who he was until he was sure they wouldn’t try again, Genesis 42:8-20 describes his efforts to be sure they no longer hated him.  “And Joseph knew his brethren, but they knew not him.  And Joseph remembered the dreams which he dreamed of them, and said unto them, Ye are spies; to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.

And they said unto him, Nay, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come.  We are all one man's sons; we are true men, thy servants are no spies.

And he said unto them, Nay, but to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.

And they said, Thy servants are twelve brethren, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan; and, behold, the youngest is this day with our father, and one is not.

And Joseph said unto them, That is it that I spake unto you, saying, Ye are spies: Hereby ye shall be proved: By the life of Pharaoh ye shall not go forth hence, except your youngest brother come hither.  Send one of you, and let him fetch your brother, and ye shall be kept in prison, that your words may be proved, whether there be any truth in you: or else by the life of Pharaoh surely ye are spies.  And he put them all together into ward three days.

And Joseph said unto them the third day, This do, and live; for I fear God:  If ye be true men, let one of your brethren be bound in the house of your prison: go ye, carry corn for the famine of your houses: But bring your youngest brother unto me; so shall your words be verified, and ye shall not die. And they did so.”

Joseph was not being vindictive in placing them in prison for three days.  He had a responsibility to protect both himself and the nation of Egypt, and by selling him as a slave they had destroyed any trust he might have for them.  They would need to show they could be trusted before he dared open up to them.  He proposed to keep one of them in prison until they returned with their youngest brother to prove they were sincere.  It would give him the opportunity to see his baby brother even without them knowing who he was. 

For twenty one years, the brothers had lived with the guilt of having sold their brother and lying to their father.   As a result, they automatically assumed that what was happening was a result of their treatment of Joseph, as Genesis 42:21-23 makes clear.  “And they said one to another, We are verily guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.  And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? therefore, behold, also his blood is required.  And they knew not that Joseph understood them; for he spake unto them by an interpreter.”

When Joseph overheard their blaming each other, he realized their guilt had been eating on them for years, but he didn’t trust them yet, so followed through with his plan, to make sure he could trust them, in Genesis 42:24-25.  “And he turned himself about from them, and wept; and returned to them again, and communed with them, and took from them Simeon, and bound him before their eyes.  Then Joseph commanded to fill their sacks with corn, and to restore every man's money into his sack, and to give them provision for the way: and thus did he unto them.”

His brothers had broken his trust, and it would have been foolish for Joseph to trust them fully without assurance that they were serious about doing differently.  Unfortunately, many people think that forgiveness automatically restores the trust.  It does not.  Forgiveness simply means that the person is no longer allowing their anger over what happened to control their thinking.  For them to regain trust, will require demonstration of one’s trustworthiness before they feel safe.  Simply saying “I’m sorry” will not rebuild trust, but it is an essential first step in reconciliation, because unless one accepts responsibility for having made a mistake or doing wrong, there is no reason to think they will do differently in the future.   Without reestablishing trust, efforts at reconciliation will not be satisfactory.