Trying To Force Reconciliation

The wise woman from Tekoa convinced David he was being hypocritical in allowing her son to go unpunished whildhis own son was not free to return home.  He directed Joab to bring Absalom home, in II Samuel 14:21-24.   And the king said unto Joab, Behold now, I have done this thing: go therefore, bring the young man Absalom again.

And Joab fell to the ground on his face, and bowed himself, and thanked the king: and Joab said, To day thy servant knoweth that I have found grace in thy sight, my lord, O king, in that the king hath fulfilled the request of his servant.  So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and brought Absalom to Jerusalem.

And the king said, Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face. So Absalom returned to his own house, and saw not the king's face.”

While David longed for a relationship with his son like he had had in the past, sight of him reminded him of what he had done.   Many people think forgiveness makes it like the wounds never happened.  When we forgive someone, we stop dwelling on what they have done that hurt us, but the wounds remain, and until they heal completely, it may be hard to associate with the person who caused them.    Even after they heal, the wounds may be somewhat tender and painful for years.  Unfortunately, people who have caused injuries often ignore this fact, assuming everything is okay, and acting as if nothing had ever happened.  They often get upset, feeling the person’s efforts to prevent being hurt again means he hasn’t forgiven them and begin to blame them for their estrangement. 

Absalom was a very popular and handsome man, and somewhat vain, as II Samuel 14:25-27 tells us.   “2sa 14:25 But in all Israel there was none to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty: from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him.   And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year's end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king's weight.   And unto Absalom there were born three sons, and one daughter, whose name was Tamar: she was a woman of a fair countenance.”

After two years, Absalom got upset that David still hesitated to see him and demanded Joab make it happen.  Angry at being ignored, he took action to force Joab to act, in II Samuel 14:28-31.  “So Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, and saw not the king's face.  Therefore Absalom sent for Joab, to have sent him to the king; but he would not come to him: and when he sent again the second time, he would not come.  Therefore he said unto his servants, See, Joab's field is near mine, and he hath barley there; go and set it on fire. And Absalom's servants set the field on fire.”

Joab was angry about the burning of his fields, but it got his attention, as II Samuel 14:31-describes.  “Then Joab arose, and came to Absalom unto his house, and said unto him, Wherefore have thy servants set my field on fire?

And Absalom answered Joab, Behold, I sent unto thee, saying, Come hither, that I may send thee to the king, to say, Wherefore am I come from Geshur? it had been good for me to have been there still: now therefore let me see the king's face; and if there be any iniquity in me, let him kill me.”

Determined to force David to forgive him, and unwilling to wait for omplete healing, Absalom demanded that Joab get him an audience with his father.    Joab did so, and it appeared everything was okay for time, as we see in II Samuel 14:33.  “So Joab came to the king, and told him: and when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king, and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king: and the king kissed Absalom.” 

Emotional healing has to come naturally just as physical healing does, and efforts to rush it often postpone or prevent proper healing.  Realizing his father had not voluntarily called for him, Absalom will turn against hs father.  Frequently we see the same thing happen in a marriage where one mate has had an affair.  When the injured party does not respond fast enough to suit them, the guilty party frequently filse for divorce blaming their mate for not forgiving them.  They forget he has been hurt, and is under no obligation to take them back.