Building A Relationship With The Neighbors

Genesis 21:22-34

When Abraham went into Egypt it was a deliberate move, but his move into Philistine country was just a routine move to find more grass. Unfortunately, as he drifted away from The area around Bethel, he was exposed to groups he knew nothing about, and in Genesis 20, repeated his sin of failing to trust God to protect him, lying about his relationship with Sarah. Fortunately, at the time, the Philistines were a God fearing people and forgave Abraham for exposing them to such temptation and allowing him to remain in their land.

“And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest: Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.” (Genesis 21:22-23)

After observing him for a while. The Philistines recognized God’s influence in his life and wanted to be sure they didn’t come into conflict. The king and his top general came to Abraham asking for a treaty, promising that Abraham and his family would not attack them, in his day , his son’s nor his grandson’s day, but would treat them as the Philistines had treated him. As Proverbs 16:7 declares, “When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.” They couldn't afford to fight when God stood for him.

“And Abraham said, I will swear.” (Genesis 21:24)

Knowing they were an honorable and God fearing people, Abraham had no problem making such a treaty. There was no need for a written agreement because both could be depended on to keep their word. Nothing more should be required according to Jesus in Matthew 5:37, “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

Conflicts are going to arise, no matter how much people want to get along. In Luke 17:1, Jesus told his disciples, “…It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!” People who expect an agreement or marriage to eliminate all problems set themselves up for failure. The agreement with Abimelech did not prevent problems.

“And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.” (Genesis 21:25)

Abraham was able to point out the problem, to reprove Abimelech without aattacking him or the Philistines. In a spirit of mutual respect they were able to deal with the situation without anger or recrimination.

“And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing: neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.” (Genesis 21:26)

Abimelech had been unaware that an offense had been given. Many times problems arise in day to day life with no intention or awareness of giving offense. To attack, verbally or physically forces the one attacked to defend himself, escalating the conflict. Learning to reprove rather than accuse prevents the escalation, making it possible to resolve the problem. Abimelech’s reproving of Sarah in Genesis 20:16 is and example of how it should be done. He makes it clear how things should be without accusing her.

“And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.” (Genesis 21:27)

Mutual respect requires that each believes both has something worthwhile to offer. Abimelech was offering permission to live in his land. Abraham offered some of his livestock in appreciation. By accepting them, Abimelech demonstrated his respect. Neither was trying to gain power by their offers, and to refuse to accept would have been disrespectful. Abraham refused what the king of Sodom offered because it was offered with the intent of gaining prestige or power. Abraham’s offer and Abimelech’s acceptance were both acts of mutual respect. A lack of respect is what destroys most relationships.

“And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves. And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?

And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well. Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.” (Genesis 21:28-31)

Seven ewe lambs were given as a token to remind Abimelech’s people that the well belonged to Abraham. It was similar to the wedding ring to remind everyone that a couple are married, or baptism to remind a Christian he belongs to God. It is not essential, but it serves as a reminder. Without it, it is much easier to forget and do things one shouldn’t. Abraham named the well Beersheba, or “well of the oath.” The name will serve to remind both sides of the covenant.

“Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.

And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God. And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days.” (Genesis 21:32-34)

Planting trees indicates a commitment to stay since it takes years to grow a tree. It provided a sense of stability for both Abraham and his servants, and for the Philistines. They no longer had to worry about someone else taking his place and ignoring the treaty. Over the years, I have watched Christians who never committed themselves, and they had very little long term impact on the community. On the reservation, missionaries who just move in a trailer to have church in aren’t taken very seriously, but those who build a permanent building and plant some trees, while they may not attract many people to the church, earn a place in the community.

In much the same way, people who never join a local church, while they may be respected, have made it clear they are not committed and can leave at any time. Relationships take time to grow and people hesitate to develop them without assurance tey will last. Abraham had been in the area more than twenty five years, leading the Philistines to believe he would stay, but planting a grove of trees made it sure. At the same time, the Philistines commitment to him encouraged Abraham to commit to staying. The results would be felt for more than two hundred years, affecting several generations.