Casual Relationships

I Peter 3:8-16

Peter has gone into detail about the relationship Christians should have with various others, including the government, their employers, and their wife or husband, whether Christian or not. Now we come to how we should treat those with whom there is a less obligatory relationship, especially fellow Christians.

“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” (I Peter 3:8-9)

Each Christian is to allow the Holy Spirit to direct their thinking and attitudes. When such is the case, there will be unity. I Corinthians 3:3 makes it very clear that disunity only comes from a lack of spiritual leadership. The Holy Spirit will produce an ability to empathize with the feelings of others if we quit holding to our pride. Our love will grow, and a real desire to help, rather than to appear helpful will begin to develop as well. Good manners, or courtesy are a way of showing respect, which is part of loving others.

In the world, many people feel it necessary and desirable to respond to verbal attacks in a similar manner. Assertiveness classes to learn how to do so were quite popular for a while. Christians ought not behave in such a manner. The Christian attitude ought be quite different. Paul goes into more detail in Romans 12:13-21.


“Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

If we are to be pleasing to the Lord, and want to experience his blessings, we need to learn to control our tongue, as well as our other actions. James 1:26 tells us that a man who cannot or will not control his tongue has a worthless religion. “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.” James 3:2 stresses that the ability to control the tongue implies mastery of other areas of life. “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” As Romans 14:12 says, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

“For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.” (I Peter 3:10-12)

Most people will not hurt those they do not perceive as a threat to them. It is easier to ignore what is not causing trouble. Some sadistic types feed on the hurts of others. Paul instructed the Philippians, “Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God. For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;” in Philippians 1:27-29. Peter’s instruction is very similar.

“And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.” (I Peter 3:13-16)

Many people are killed by deer every year because when deer are frightened, they will do anything within it’s power to protect itself. A Christian ought trust god enough to not respond in the same manner. When he doesn’t it will get some people’s attention, and he ought be ready to explain why he didn’t react defensively.