A Prerequisite for Love

I Peter 3:7

Ephesians 5:21-33 compares the relationship of the husband and wife to that of Christ and the church in an effort to make our understanding of both better. Unfortunately, we live in a society where most people have little understanding of either marriage or real Christianity. On one hand, an atheistic educational and political system has tried to destroy traditional moral and religious values. On the other hand, religious leaders have sought to gain control by changing the rules. The present confusion and situation is the result of both sides efforts.

For example, church leaders decreed that people were only married who had a church approved wedding. That gave them the right to declare a marriage invalid. It ignored Paul’s statement about the sex act in I Corinthians 6:16. “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.” Examining verse 15, we find that Paul’s statement is based on the basis of marriage found in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The decree also ignored Jesus’ statement that God caused the joining, in Matthew 19: 6, also based on Genesis 2:24. “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Once they’d usurped God’s authority over marriage, The church could decide who was or wasn’t married and grant divorces and annulments at their pleasure, as well as control who got married. Governments then seized the authority from the church. Our present attitude about divorce is a direct result. So is the present attitude about sexual promiscuity, ignoring Exodus 22:16. “And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.” If the government controls who is married, they have the right to make homosexual marriage legal if they choose. Those who taught that a marriage depended on a legal ceremony and government approval unwittingly helped lay the foundation for the modern gay movement which many so strongly oppose.

With equally serious distortions in doctrine about the church, it is easy to understand the current misunderstandings about what Paul was teaching. While Paul addressed churches with both Jews and Gentiles, Peter is specifically addressing Gentile people. He goes straight to the mechanics of love in his instructions to both men and women. A child cannot understand the principles of addition, that 2+2=4, until he can count, so teachers start by teaching them to count. Peter is taking a similar approach to teaching how to have a Christian marriage. Knowing that some Gentiles may be as confused about the meaning of love and marriage as modern Americans, Peter does not simply say “husbands, love your wives” as Paul did. Instead, he starts with something they can do and use to begin to understand what love is.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (I Peter 3:7)

In order to have a home that truly portrays Christ it is necessary to know certain things. First, she is neither inferior not superior. She has the same standing with God as the man. Her inheritance does not depend on her husband, nor does her spiritual standing. Galatians 3:28 states, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” The husband is not to take advantage of his physical strength to force her compliance, but to respect her as his equal. His strength enables him to lead, but it must not be used to dominate. This is the first step in learning to love, and a couple that doesn’t learn to show proper respect for each other will be hampered in their spiritual walks by the resulting conflict. I John 4:7-8 is doubly applicable in the marriage. “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”

Ephesians 5:33 commands, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence(respect) her husband.”

The world teaches that respect must be earned, but God commands both husband and wife to give it by virtue of their humanity, and their relationship to God. Until we do so we will never be able to love as we are commanded, as I Corinthians 13:4-7 describes. “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

While Paul was concerned about a lack of respect of women for their husbands, Peter was aware that there was an equally severe lack of respect by men for their wives. Titus 2:5 warns that an improper home life can cause the name of Christ to be blasphemed, as well as hampering our own spiritual walk.