Dealing With Conflict

Genesis 31:36-54

“And Jacob was wroth, and chided with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me? Whereas thou hast searched all my stuff, what hast thou found of all thy household stuff? set it here before my brethren and thy brethren, that they may judge betwixt us both.” (Genesis 31:36-37)

Jacob had snuck away as if he were hiding something, waiting until he thought Laban would not find out for several days. When Laban searched for his idols and didn’t find them the emotional tension was released as anger. The frustration and anger had built for twenty years. The accusations of theft and search of his goods pushed Jacob too far. Though they had been buried, all the grievances had never been dealt with or forgiven, and anger was just below the surface. It finally came out.

“This twenty years have I been with thee; thy ewes and thy she goats have not cast their young, and the rams of thy flock have I not eaten. That which was torn of beasts I brought not unto thee; I bare the loss of it; of my hand didst thou require it, whether stolen by day, or stolen by night. Thus I was; in the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night; and my sleep departed from mine eyes. Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times.

Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.” (Genesis 31:38-42)

Laban had intentionally taken advantage of Jacob, never sticking to his agreements. By ignoring it and saying nothing, Jacob left the impression that he didn’t care, and Laban was encouraged to do even more. Had Jacob spoken sooner, the problem would never have reached such a level. To ignore wrongdoing encourages it. In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus gives advice on how to prevent it becoming a problem, by addressing it before we get angry, and if the person insists on doing it, by separating on friendly terms.

Though he was family, Laban would have left Jacob destitute and blamed him for being such a fool, except for God’s protection. Even the previous night, God had warned Laban not to interfere. Notice that Jacob refers to God as the God of Abraham and Isaac. He still hasn’t committed himself to God. He’s a little like Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 1-3 talking about the God of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Finally in Daniel 4:37 he said, “Now I Nebuchadnezzar praise and extol and honour the King of heaven…” Though he knew God, and God had spoken to him, He had not worshipped God since his vision at Bethel.

“And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born? Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee.” (Genesis 31:43-44)

Like many selfish people, Laban, though he had agreed to allow Jacob to have those things, had never acknowledged they were not his. A friend of our family bought a used car from a lady. A few days later she parked the car on the street, and the former owner chewed her out because that car was not to be parked in the sun. Laban still thought of even Jacob’s wives as belonging to him. When confronted and God intervened he finally relinquished control and asked for a peace agreement with Jacob.

“And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar. And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap.

And Laban called it Jegarsahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed. And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed; And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another. If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.

And Laban said to Jacob, Behold this heap, and behold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee; This heap be witness, and this pillar be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to thee, and that thou shalt not pass over this heap and this pillar unto me, for harm. The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge betwixt us. And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac.” (Genesis 31:45-53)

They carefully set one large stone up as a pillar and piled others beside it to remind both groups of the treaty between Jacob and Laban. It was established as an oath or promise before God, and they would both trust God to keep things right between them. Like Jacob, Laban doesn’t have a very strong personal relationship with God, referring to him as the God of Abraham and Nahor, his grandfather, not as his own. He worshipped other gods.

“Then Jacob offered sacrifice upon the mount, and called his brethren to eat bread: and they did eat bread, and tarried all night in the mount. And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them: and Laban departed, and returned unto his place.” (Genesis 31:54-55)

With the years of resentment resolved, they were able to sit and fellowship together and part with no bad feelings between them. It will be the last significant dealings between the Syrians and Israel for centuries. From then on their wives would be taken among their neighbors.