Leaving Without Saying Goodbye

Genesis 31:19-35

Laban’s sons had begun to accuse Jacob of stealing from their father, and the tensions were getting quite high. God had promised Rebekah that Jacob’s descendants would be the stronger people, but Jacob had cheated to get the birthright because he didn’t trust God’s promise. He and Rebekah had deceived his father for the same reason. At Bethel, he tried to make a deal with God to force God to keep his promise. He consciously tried to manipulate the terms of his contract with Laban, because he doesn‘t trust God to keep his promise. After having established such a pattern of manipulation of others, it is not surprising that he would try to slip away without attracting anyone’s attention.

“And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that were her father's. And Jacob stole away unawares to Laban the Syrian, in that he told him not that he fled. So he fled with all that he had; and he rose up, and passed over the river, and set his face toward the mount Gilead.” (Genesis 31:19-21)

Knowing that Laban and his sons would be gone for possibly a month, Jacob took advantage of their absence to leave, trying to put enough distance between them so Laban wouldn’t bother to pursue them. During his stay in Padanaram, Jacob had been so wrapped up in his own plans he had neglected his relationship with God. As a result, Rachael still worshipped the idols Laban’s family had begun to worship. With Laban gone, she stole them to take with her, although she knew Jacob would not approve the theft.

“And it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob was fled. And he took his brethren with him, and pursued after him seven days' journey; and they overtook him in the mount Gilead. And God came to Laban the Syrian in a dream by night, and said unto him, Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.” (Genesis 31:22-24)

Things didn’t work out quite the way Jacob expected. He had only been gone three days when Laban was informed of his departure, and of the theft of the idols. Angered by the theft Laban pursued them far more intently than he otherwise would have. Herds such as Jacob had would not normally travel more than eight or ten miles a day, and a man on foot can easily travel thirty to forty miles a day. Jacob was pushing his cattle and sheep so hard it took Laban and his sons seven days to catch up, implying Jacob had a guilty conscience.

By the time he caught them Laban was really upset. God spoke to him warning him not to express his anger, but to say nothing either good or bad to Jacob. Jacob was undoubtedly shocked that they had pursued him so far. Sneaking away shouldn’t have upset him that much.

“Then Laban overtook Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the mount: and Laban with his brethren pitched in the mount of Gilead. And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with the sword? Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and with songs, with tabret, and with harp? And hast not suffered me to kiss my sons and my daughters? thou hast now done foolishly in so doing. It is in the power of my hand to do you hurt: but the God of your father spake unto me yesternight, saying, Take thou heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.” (Genesis 31:25-29)

Jacob’s selfish effort to avoid an emotional scene had hurt Laban deeply by not allowing him to tell his daughters and grandchildren goodbye. It would have hurt Jacob’s children equally, leaving the impression that things were not right between them and their grandfather. Because we don’t want to deal with our childerns grief, we may avoid letting them attend a funeral or sneak away from their grandparents. In doing so, we prevent their being able to come to terms with the separation, extending the pain, but causing it to be hidden. Emotions are a very important part of human life and need to be dealt with in a proper manner to avoid causing long term pain. We need to accept our responsibility in addressing the emotional effects of our actions. Ignoring them is a foolish decision.

“And now, though thou wouldest needs be gone, because thou sore longedst after thy father's house, yet wherefore hast thou stolen my gods?” (Genesis 31:30)

While he’d been hurt by not being allowed to tell them goodbye, Laban could understand his desire to go to his own family. What really upset Laban was the theft of his gods. One of the reasons for sending Jacob to Laban for help finding a wife was because they knew his family had worshipped God. While he hadn’t completely turned away yet, Laban had begun to worship other gods. Taking away his gods was an attack on his most innermost beliefs and values. It could only be perceived as a personal attack, and provoke antagonism. Had God not stopped him Laban and his party would have attacked and tried to kill Jacob. If we cared enough to consider how it affects people’s emotions, Christians would approach other groups far differently, in a far more scriptural manner.

“And Jacob answered and said to Laban, Because I was afraid: for I said, Peradventure thou wouldest take by force thy daughters from me. With whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not that Rachel had stolen them.” (Genesis 31:31-32)

Jacob admitted his failure to trust God. Despite God’s promise to protect him and bring him safely back to Canaan, he was afraid and snuck away. Not believing that any of his family had stolen the gods, Jacob gave Laban permission to search their belongings and execute whoever had stolen them. He was sure they weren’t there.

“And Laban went into Jacob's tent, and into Leah's tent, and into the two maidservants' tents; but he found them not. Then went he out of Leah's tent, and entered into Rachel's tent. Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not. And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched, but found not the images.” (Genesis 31:33-35)

After searching everyone else’s stuff, Laban came to Rachael, who had stolen the idols. To hide them she had stuffed them into the camel saddle and was using it for a chair. When her father came in she used the excuse of menstruation as and excuse for not welcoming him and stayed seated on the saddle so he couldn’t see them. As a result Laban didn’t find them.

Each family develops a family culture. It is different from every family around them and is learned from the attitudes and behavior of the parents and grandparents, although it is affected by the temperaments of the children. Both Laban and Rachael had learned a deceptive attitude in Bethuel’s home and it was passed on to their children. Parent often don’t realize how much our children copy them. Those cultural attitudes affect everything we do. Fortunately they can be changed.